As Predicted.

Well... turns out, I was wrong. Ha! I was so wrong! So a brief update on the confusion that took place last Monday. I was asked to complete a task I knew was important Due to my less than average translation skills,  I was able to translate urgent and thousands. He repeated the instructions, I returned to my desk, he gave me a deadline and went to a meeting for the rest of the day. I then did what anyone would do... I blogged about it. (Thank you for your concerns and prayers but there are things completely out of our control...) 

The next day, yesterday, I asked if what i had spent 3 hours during the previous day was a success. It was not. This is where things got bad. Turns out that I merely helped organize un-necessary information. my bad. I tried to re-due it, but whatever... life goes on. 

Biggest news from Quebec today: A man is suing the loto because he bought a winning lottery ticket seconds too late... Where is the justice in this world!? 

P.S.  Rox's Birthday is this Friday! 10 October... 

French Word of the Day: Vieux (m) / Vieilles (f) Pronounced--> ' V ' -eUr / ' V '-yah; definition, OLD 

Example Sentence: John McCain est plus vieux que le bateau, "Le Mayflower".  (translation: John McCain is older than the ship "The Mayflower." 

Lost in Translation... Wait, seriously, I don't Understand!

Picture this will ya:

I was standing by the photo-copier, faxing some foreign documents to some foreign company, when -in french- I heard my name. You know the time where you are not paying attention, and then you hear your name and you are like--> who? huh? whats going on? Well, its like that EVERYDAY when you are in a foreign land with a language you are not even quite sure how to pronounce its name*. 

Anywho, he said something to me roughly at the speed of light, I was only able to discern a few words. Urgent and Thousands is pretty much all i caught. Though he might have said "Dairy-queen" somewhere in there... who knows really?! 

Sure I could ask him to repeat it... but then we get into a situation i like to call my own personal "Lost-in-Translation**." I would be lieing if i told you this was the first time communication has been awkwardly twisted to produce minimal results for me. The truth is, I did ask him to repeat it. twice. At this point its way awkward for the both of us. eye contact has long passed...So, I nodded my head, said OK, and returned to my office space... 

And all I can really think of is how I can get a part of that tax-credit for the "wooden-arrows" the Gov. passed last week...***

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* The Old folk here call it Quebecois. The english people call it French. It is a crude twangy Fran-glais. but really quite simple to make- take a handfull of English. Mix it with a handfull of French. Add some tang (orange kind only), two eggs, and let it sit in the freezer for.. ummm.... 400 years and BAM! quebecois. 

** Heard the movie was lame... but hopefully Bill Murry will be back for Ghost Busters 3 

*** I once spent an entire day making wooden arrows for my patron... not a second waisted! (patron = cool way to say boss in French)

French words of the day: mal à la tête... (mal - awe - la - tet, like tetris)... Deff.---> headache.

                                    Example: j'ai mal à la tête..... trans: I have a headache!

Je suis de Retour....

Sorry, I haven't written lately. I have been in Washington lobbying for some of the 700 billion dollars the Government plans to give away. Let me just say---> I HATE POLITICS. ahhh that feels better.... now you try---> I HATE POLITICS. Doesn't that make you smile?

So headlines today say that WAMU is out. Well, with a name like wamu, it was only a matter of time. its just too easly rhymable with BIG POO... I personally have not been caught up in the mortgage crisis, but it scares me a bunch. The whole system is crap. But I don't know enough about it to try and rally together a group of protest. I'll just vent.

So anywho, This weekend My woman and I are going to a restaurant named AMIR'S ... No joke, its magically delicious! It is a lebineese/mediteranian restaurant. Shish Kabob's. Shwarma's. Shish-Taok. I concur that Jesus was born it that region of the world, for the food. LUCKY!

French word of the day: Équipe. (pronounced--> ' E ' keep. Definition---> Team!

Just Because You're Paranoid Don't Mean They're Not After You

I am convinced the end of the world as we know it is nigh. Heavy subject for a blog? Too bad, keep reading. It's at the point where everything I think I see becomes an apocalyptic sign to me (yes I did intend that to sound like the Tootsie Roll song). This is my paranoid mindset. Here's how far I have taken it. I called my mom (yes your mom too Craig and Em, you are my only readers) and told her to stock up on food, bags of rice, bags of beans, you know, food storage. I told her to stock up an seeds for her garden also, I think I scared her. I've already discussed the world food shortage disguised as a Peanut Butter Cup Article, so I won't go into detail, but suffice to say, things have gotten worse since I wrote that. Anyway, listen to your old paranoid friend here, get some food storage, 1 month, 3 months, a year, just get some okay, cause I like you, and I don't want you to starve.
As if that wasn't deep enough, here's today's deep thought:
I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

Day 31...

One Month. I am pretty much a professional at being married now. Pretty much.

I have to say, these past 31 days have been some of the most bestest days of my life. (Thank you Rox!) It has brought a happiness and joy above that which I ever thought possible. (Thank you God!) Everyday seems to be better than the one before. There is a quote in French that goes like this " Plus qu'heir, moins que demaine."* Translated it means " More than yesterday, less than tomorrow." And that is how I feel about this truly awesome feeling I have when I think about the love we share. Before the tears and aaawwwwww start let it suffice to say---> I LOVE ROX!

There is much i have learned during the past month, such as - it is not necissary to Burp vibrato style, and I am most definitely positive that I will learn more. And what kind of person would I be if I didn't try and force you all to read about it?! It's my duty.... haha, I said duty.

*Pronounced as: pl-uise (like a crUISE ship) / cu (as in CUt)/ ye-air, / m-wine / cu (as in CUt) /da-man (like how the dark folk say---> who's da man? who's da man?!!)

I Lied

I am a lying liar who lies. I told you that I would still write here, I promised even, and I have let you down. So what, I'm here now and John has been posting his angst, so you are at least getting what you paid for. Anyway, lets see whats been going on since I Last posted (Tuesday of last week). Our economy is skipping recession and heading towards depression, I've completely ignored music of all kinds except for Plants and Animals. I've watched a really bad movie, Around theWorld in 80 Days, and a very endearing movie, Marty. I watched Wipeout with my daughters, they think its as funny as I do. I taped Fringe (Tuesday Nights on Fox) while I watched Wipeout and finally watched it last night, I'm more than intrigued, I'll be taping it weekly. I do mean videotape when I say tape, does anyone else still use Videotape. Speaking of videotape, go here and listen to the song titled videotape. It will change your life. I still have quite a few Deep Thoughts to share, here's four:

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

I'm sure you've checked out my new blog, I just posted a biscuit recipe, you know you want some. Just Click Here.

How about a 2008 one liner?

Frightened Rabbit-Old Old Fashioned
Kiss me, I'm Irish.


Have a nice day.

I'll take two please.

Canada has a thing against Guns...     They* don't like them.       At all. 

And I'm not saying that I am a proud advocate of the gun-slinging the second amendment gives to Americans, but I do like the occasional shooting of fire arms. Perhaps it is merely the power I love as I secure the 12-gauge shotgun against my shoulder pointed at the target, a computer that froze one too many times. But it is my right to own a gun if i feel like it. And that's the kicker- if I feel like it. 

I do believe in stronger restrictions on how guns are purchased. But I don't see guns as the problem. It is the person holding the weapon that is the threat. I was in a heated debate with many a person defending the - Guns don't kill people, People kill People! 2 years ago there was a shooting at Dawson College  . (side note, I'm going there next year) well anywho, they are wanting to ban the gun that shot and killed a few students. Thats good and all, but the gun did exactly what it was supposed to do, Fire when the trigger was pulled. The bigger problem is the high amounts of mentally insane people there are in Canada! I mean, seriously, the odds of a gun going off and killing someone as it is laying on the table is so so small. It just doesn't happen often. But then again, If Hollywood has taught us anything it is that the impossible is SO POSSIBLE! For Example: irobot, water world, greace, Jurassic Park, Hannah Montana. Impossible is no more than a state of mind.... but lets return to reality. 

To say that guns kill is like saying I failed my math test because of the pencil! Darn you yellow #2 Pencil! Its all your fault the answer was wrong. Come on people. I do believe that Canada has every right to place high restrictions on guns. Maybe they believe that if it is harder to buy a gun legally that the crazies who wish to kill will all just go away... sounds nice. oh, but then again there is the internet**... hmmm.... but just in case, i think i'll buy 2 guns . 

*They- refers to the thousands of Quebec/Ontario residents I have come in contact with through my voyages in Canada. It is not to imply "Everyone in Canada." But I believe it is the general consensus. 

** internet = Endless supply of all wants and needs. click

Realm of Dreams

I Dreampt I was there 7 years ago.... no wait, 8. AGGGHHHH....

2008

-2001

7 (Ok... lets start over.)

So there I was in the middle of it all. I heard the crash, I felt the quake, I smelt the burning fire as I stood there that September 11th morning. I did not have any super-human powers, yet felt the call of duty as the adrenalin pumped through my veins. I was scared

They are going to collapse! They are going to collapse! Why is no one listening to me?!! I climbed flights of stairs and helped usher people out of the building. And then it happened, a second plane hit the opposite tower. Debris was everywhere, and the sound of the sirens were being drowned out by the screams of the frantic people all around me. I escorted hundreds of people to a nearby church.

Its weird how one minute you can be in the safety of a religious institution and with the turn of a corner you are right back in the building about to collapse. Physics and Time have no place in the Realm of Dreams.

Though it did not make sense, I was once again in the World Trade Center building and i knew what was about to happen. I was going to die. A 100 million-billion tons of concrete was about to pile on top of me. That was the reality. I was calm. I was reserved. I Peed my pants.

You know those dreams where you are in an elevator or high place, and plummet. A terrifying freefall experience followed by a thud as you hit the ground. Most people wake up at that point. I don't. I continue to live the pain, which is often times more dramatic than the fall. The miracle of Dreams...

Well needless to say, I lived through the fall down of the building, and proceded to make plans on how i was going to dig my way out from the mountain that had been placed on me.

JOSEPH ! What does my dream mean?!!

I don't understand why I had such a dream. I don't question the randomness of my mind as it plays out its wills/fantasies. But I do salute those brave men and women who gave their lives that day.

So... Am I like a hero now?

Dream on...

son is uhuds

I ate my Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich at 10:17 am this morning.

I had made it last night as part of my end-of-the-world lunch . It was the lesser of two sandwiches planned for the mid-day meal, the other being turkey. I admit, I am usually not the type of man to eat the PB&J, it is a rare occasion at that. And it is even a more rare that I believe in the End of the World schemes. But in the circumstances leading up to todays events, I have to say--- I wish my second sandwich was a Peanut Butter and Jelly.

I was born in California, in a city commonly nicknamed " San BernaGHETTO." A fairly large ville now bleeding from the inside. (A few to many factories moved, the airforce base closed and well.... Its the story of my life, not really... but really.) The Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich' was a staple in our diet. Perhaps it was the fact that it cost about Fifty cents to make, or that 'PB&J' was the Roberts Family Tradition. But whatever the reasons were, I knew if we did not have money to buy lunch, or "forgot it," the PB&J was given freely at the end of the line.

When i would bring the sandwich as part of my lunch i would place it on top, in my sack. Yet fate had its way of messing with me, and that good 'ole Iaasic "Fig" Newton with his gravity would turn things around, and by noon I was eating my sandwich like a go-gurt (a delicious tube/squeezing yogurt). There was no use trying to explain the physics of the squished sandwich phenomena to my nine-year old classmates, instead i would swallow it down and moments later be playing lava-tag on the playground.

So is it really such a wonder why I would choose, as my last meal before uncertain disaster, my beloved childhood PB&J?

And here I sit. The world did not come to an end. I did not honostly think it would, i mean thats crazy talk! We all know the world will end the 21 Dec, 2012. I guess what im trying to say is that I would have been ok with the world being sucked into a black hole or exploded. I have always been told that I would "go out" in a bang, reffering to the high amounts of gas in my body.

It's a tie.

So, somehow in this crazy messed up world of ours, kittens tied with Sam Cassell in the poll, receiving four votes each (I hope there's a better turnout in November). I just found a great pic of Sam Cassell, so i think I'm gonna do a post on him first.
The joke is that Sam Cassell is an alien, its a funny joke because he has a huge alien-like noggin, but what if there is some truth behind it? I did some research into Cassell and here's what i came up with.
Cassell played basketball for Florida State University, I remember because I was a big FSU fan at the time. The question is, do I remember this or was it planted in my head by a super intelligent race of aliens?
Cassell has never really been that good, he did make the all star team once, but other than that and the 3 championships he has been a part of, he's really flown under the radar. I think that is because Sam Cassell is made of some stealthy material that cannot be seen by the human eye. I'll bet kittens can see him though.
When I plug Sam Cassell into this site I come up with some of the following:
Amass Cells
Camels Lass
Aces Smalls
Calm Lasses
A Scam Sells
This seems suspicous to me, but the I find out that his real name is Samuel and i come up with this:
Callus Measles
Alas Cues Smell
Definitely an alien.
But here's the proof, he played for the Celtics in the NBA finals this year, they played the Lakers. I watched this series, but I don't remember anything at all about it. Its eerie.